My mother took Cora out for a little shopping and lunch yesterday, and I found myself home with my youngest, Adelle. I cannot remember the last time I was home alone with Adelle, even if I strain the deepest recesses of my brain. It could be quite possible that I've never been home alone with her. That seems a bit unrealistic, but you never know.
Anyway... Adelle and I were having some valuable time together without any interruptions from an older sister who loves to be the center of attention. Sadly, I found myself wondering, "Who exactly is Adelle? What is this little girl like?"
I'm not saying I don't know my own children, because as parents, we all know our children better than anyone else. But Adelle has been so overshadowed by her bigger sister that I found myself sort of rediscovering this little toddler all over again. She's a people-pleaser even at 2 years of age. When Cora really wants a toy Adelle has (which is all the time), Adelle gives it to her willingly. I'm glad she shares, but I wish Adelle would stand up for herself more. I can see this trait turning into a self-destructing behavior for her as an adult, constantly putting her own needs on the back burner for the sake of somebody else.
We had an enjoyable afternoon together. I gave her some time exploring the computer mouse (she kept calling it a "mouth") which she clicked obsessively as if in a state of fury. Normally this kind of activity would have been interrupted by a big sister complaining to sit on my lap and check her "e-mail". How delightfully simple it was to play with Adelle without extraneous drama from an outside annoyance.
I don't mean to sound as if Cora is just a nuisance to the family and to Adelle. Cora can be a sweet girl and she's a good girl, almost always super well-behaved when it counts (doctor's offices, stores, restaurants, etc). But Cora definitely has a problem when her little sister is getting one-on-one attention and she's not. As a mother, I cannot let Adelle suffer simply because her sister is bossy, so now I need to work out a plan to get Adelle the same interactions with me that Cora had the privilege to enjoy uninterrupted at that age -- without making Cora feel unwanted, unworthy or stifled.
I could say raising kids is a juggling act, but I don't think that would do the job justice. Even I can juggle a little if the objects are the same size and generally round (believe it or not, juggling was considered a gym activity in school on an Air Force base in 1990). Raising kids is much more complicated and intricate than that... managing the personality of one child depending on the time of day, amount of sleep she's had, amount of sleep I've had and the hunger factor, just to name a few. Combine that with managing another child's personality with the same variables, and it can be an unstable chemical reaction.
Kaboom!
